I might do it for 500k after taxes actually. It would pay off my house, plus I wouldn’t have to work so hard anymore - I’m 45 with a wife and 2 young kids.


When you say “you can never get drunk or high again” does that mean I’m *’impervious* to drugs and alcohol? Or am I not allowed to try? Either way yes. But I’m curious.


I was thinking the same thing. You could get a fortune *and* a super power.


I could drink *SO* much Rothschild


We have to EAT the rich, not drink them. But you do you.




Dont breathe this!


*iPhone dust* 🤠


Unlimited cash plus immunity to alcohol seems like the perfect combo for bar pranks.




Likewise, statements like "You cannot add too much garlic!" are ambiguous. It could be a warning not to ruin a recipe with excess garlic. Or it could mean there's no such thing as too much garlic.


"He didn't love her because she looked like a supermodel" Is this saying that he did not love her, and the reason for his lack of love was her looks; or that he did love her, but the reason for his love was not her looks?


You don't get drunk, but your liver still takes damage


Still a win. Can enjoy a nightcap of the best scotch in the world everyday, maybe 2 or 3 if in the mood, and on the off chance the liver carks it, buy a hobo replacement


hobos not known for the health of their livers billionaires get only grade-a organ replacements


I'd pay you $1000 if you can make me unable to get drunk.




I took that for a while but the problem was if I knew a show or party was coming up I'd just stop taking it like 3 days beforehand so I could drink.


Vivitrol - the 28day naltrexone injection. Removes the option


I got those injections but I was still able to drink. My treatment counselor said it's more common than you'd think.




r/stopdrinking come on over and check us out, I’m not paying you $1k though!


Absolutely. Besides, there are plenty of other vices available to someone with a billion dollars. EDIT: Wow, that blew up. And the implications got dark really quickly. I just wanted to state, for the record, that my "vices" would be in the realm of a crippling Fabergé egg addiction, posting ridiculously expensive food pics to Instagram, buying the loyalty of spineless politicians, and sponsoring the construction of a long range space probe for the sole purpose of Rickrolling other space civilizations. But I'm still not going to buy a PS5 from a scalper.


I'd finally be able to afford assembling my miniature armies


Woah there turbo. OP said 1 billion. You get 1 40k army, unpainted.


It would actually be cheaper to just hire child soldiers at that scale


It might be cheaper at that scale, but I don't play with anything that isn't 1:64.


Let me introduce you to my ex boyfriend. ...It'll be short in two ways.


Not drunk or i can't drink. If i can't get drunk that's easy.


Important distinction here. Can I have a glass of champagne, or a nice scotch now and then? Or do you have to completely abstain


I was thinking it's more of a Metatron from Dogma situation, where you can consume drugs and alcohol, but they simply don't ever have an affect.


They couldn't consume. They had to spit the alcohol out. Dos glass por favor.


A 10 Grand hooker every night and you're probably not even breaking through the interest.


$1 billion reasonably generates $30-40MM annually, inflation-adjusted, essentially forever. Even if we round down to $20MM, that's $55K/day. A full typical annual salary daily from typical market return rates. OP's question is silly. I'd bet even all billionaires would also say "yes" to that question.


And at numbers like these, your taxes start to become lower.


You won't pay taxes at all. You just take out loans to live off comfortable


At $1,000,000,000 I could afford to pay my damn taxes.


Well, at $ you can afford not to


How does that work? I've never had a billion dollars before, so my experience is very limited


They do pay taxes, it's just not at all proportional to their wealth. Income is taxed, not money itself.


Thats 274 years of hookers assuming 0 interest. Thats like 10 generations of super wealthy hookers. If it was a family business, it'd be someone' grandma's grandma's grandma's grandma's grandma's venture. And that person would have started when George Washington was still serving a King. Elon Musk has enough money to do this back 100,000 years. If he doubles his wealth again, he'd predate humans.


A billion really is inconceivably large.


Little bit of context. A million seconds is roughly 12 days. A billion seconds is about **31 years.** It really is an insane amount of money.


1M sec 11.57407407 days 1B sec 11574.07407 days




Or 10,000 $1.00 hookers every night… take it from Bender Bending Rodriguez


Obviously yes. Bring it down to 100K or something and then you might get some interesting answers. A billion dollars is ridiculous. Nothing I wouldn't do for that kind of money


The number is always too high. I used to have a coworker that would ask question like, "would you suck a dick for a billion dollars?" He would be surprised when I said absolutely. A billion dollars would a lot of mouthwash and silence.


Lol the real game is "how little money would you suck a dick for." Because really. To be clear, I'm a straight, married guy. I make 100k a year, and support a family of 4 on that. I rent. Let's think. Ten million? ~~That's roughly what I'll make from here to retirement. With good investment~~ edit: it's 100 years wages, and I only have 15 years to retirement. sorry, it's 3am and I'm at work. Still, I never need to work again. A million? Fuck yes. Not even a moment's hesitation. That's *ten years salary*. My job is hard, physical, causes substantial wear and tear on my body, requires 12 hour rotating shift work. A million dollars would buy me a (depressingly modest) home, pay off all my debts, secure sufficient savings for my kids education. With debt paid and no major housing outlay, my standard of living would leap up from here till retirement, or I'd have plenty of room to downgrade to an easier job. But those are silly numbers. 100k? Yup. We're still not hesitating. I go through a lot of misery to make my yearly 100k as it is, and here we're talking tax free. 10k? Still yes, but now we're getting into numbers I'm going to feel dirty about. Still, mouthwash is cheap. 1k? Ehhh. Probably not? Maybe, but you're wearing a condom for sure. Ok, so 5k? Yeah. Sure. Wanna set up a monthly date? I'd blow someone once a month and quit my job. Well. So what we've discovered is that the only reason I'm not a sex worker is nobody is gonna pay me 5k to blow them. Which I'll say is probably their loss, I'm a dude, I know what feels good, and I have no gag reflex.


The level of evaluation you put into this is gold


That’s why our man makes 100k a year.


AND he wrote this while at work!


[Workaholics](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ssDICRX_rK8) did this exact skit, and it’s glorious


I really miss that show! At least the early seasons.


Listen to their podcast, basically the same in audio form.


What's it called?


Yeah, it started under the radar and by the time it really got big I feel like it was already over. They kinda moved on but very little was as funny as them together. That movie they did is fucking hilarious after some drinks.


The only thing missing in the discussion is the quality of the d. A homeless man’s unwashed cheesy d versus a pristine Brad Pitt d is a whole different ballgame.


Lol I’m glad I sifted thru the responses for this wonderful wrinkle you’ve added. So for you the price goes up proportionally to the quality and cleanliness of the d?


I’m glad you found it interesting lol some girls told me that sucking on a clean d is kinda like licking the back of your hand, nothing particularly revolting, just licking skin so I’m happy to do it for a few k. If I’m gonna go down on some nasty d I need the price to justify the therapies so it better be some life altering amount.


He's also reeeeally selling his blowjob game


But, in my opinion, the right one. We all should be more like this guy.


I, an also straight dude, would give out business cards if I was getting 5k per blow. Shit, I'd hire an assistant to manage my schedule.


This thread about to form into the first dick-suckers union




And this is how you Upgrayedd your workflow.


You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square


I think that's just being a pimp


You guys are having this deep, serious conversation like actual sex workers don't debate this every single day. "What is my price point for being an escort or sugarbaby to ugly Old men I'm not attracted to at all?"


Honestly I think most of the consideration is around getting hurt because being a sex worker is very dangerous, and also that people you know could find out and judge you. Even if it was way less than $1k per bj, but you were guaranteed to not get assaulted/killed/given an STD and no one would ever find out, probably loads of people would do it. I’m not a SW though but those seem like the big considerations to me.


Woah now, 5K a blow is WAAAYYY different from 5K once for one blow The former, yeah, I'd probably take it on as a full-time job But if I'm just blowing a dude once for 5K, I'm out






And it helps that you're actually into that.


Reminds me of this Churchill joke; At a dinner party Churchill says to his dinner companion, "Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?" The woman responds, "My goodness, Mr. Churchill. I suppose I would." Churchill replies, "Would you sleep with me for five pounds?" She answers, "Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?" Churchill answers, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we are haggling about the price."


I work in the service industry (kitchens), and stuff like this comes up a lot — not necessarily cocksucking but stuff like “how much money would it take for you to drink this 8 quart container of spicy mustard?” or to “eat all the contents of the dishwasher filter at the end of the night”. You always start by saying “would you do it for $100?”. After that, you slowly revise the number down in increments of $3, $5, and $7. *Never in increments of $10*. Eventually you wring out their scruples (and maybe negotiate the volume of what they have to consume while maintaining whatever the level of disgusting is in the first place) until you’re close to the amount of money you have in your pocket. Then you can say, “Seriously? For 55 American dollars, you would eat that entire bag of Japanese red peppers? Well I have 45 bucks here, and I know the line cooks will each throw in five apiece to watch this happen; because I just discussed it with them.” It’s perfectly fine if they realize they would, in fact, *not* do it for $55, but then you get to start the whole hypothetical bidding process again. I’ve consumed a lot of weird shit.


Holy shit you just brought me a flood of memories! When my friend group was just getting our drivers licenses and doing a lot of late night hanging around at diners, there was this one guy who would drink concoctions of nonsense for single digit amount of dollars. A couple nights per week, we would pitch in and this poor dude would down a cup of like ketchup, mustard, mayo, salt, pepper, creamer, lemon juice, pickle juice, coffee, and whatever else we could scrounge up... for like six dollars.


Hey, six bucks is six bucks.




This is the realest answer to this question and I appreciate that. I always laugh at straight guys who are like "I wouldn't suck a dick for any amount of money." Like, how weak are y'all.


Pretty sure if I went to my significant other and told them I turned down a billion dollars cause I couldn't/wouldn't suck a dick? I wouldn't have that problem anymore!


"You wouldn't suck a dick for a *billion dollars*!?! Well guess what sweetie, I'm definitely no longer doing it for free."


I get there’s different social aspects and stigmas of gay vs straight but I always found these hypothetical questions funny. I’m a gay dude. I tried my best to be straight in high school and college. So as a result I had sex with women. I don’t stay up late at night now thinking “oh my god I can’t believe I had sex with a woman before, does that make me straight?” Or think “what would my friends think if they know I had sex with a woman” or “is there enough mouthwash in the world to get that taste of pussy out of my mouth”. Like again I get there’s different stigmas but just reversing the roles it’s like big deal you slept with the opposite sex once. It doesn’t change anything lol.


It’s crazy what money could do to someone. I’m straight but I’ll also suck dick for a living if it means supporting my family’s well-being.


Right? The scenario above has me supporting my family *and being able to be with my family instead of away working 50% of the time*. Not only would it support my family but I'd have so much more time with them.


Alright guys, Daddy is off to work. I'll be back in about 15 minutes. Then I can brush my teeth and we can all go to the park!


Hey guys, I'm a gay billionaire with a fetish for having sex with straight guys. $5k first time, each time thereafter is $100 less. How long you gonna keep turning up (almost said 'keep coming', but obviously that's my bit.


At 28 dicks you'll make $99,900 for an average around $3500 a dick. That seems reasonable to me. I could pay a decent chunk of my house down for that.


Funny how I completely agree with your reasoning right up to the 100k level. At 10k you lost me. This is indeed an interesting way to go about answering this question lol.


What must you do currently in your life to get 10k and why would sucking dick for an hour be that much worse ? Unless you're really fucking well paid 10k is months of work.


Who sucks dick for a whole hour? It would be closer to 5-15 minutes.


People that are not very good at sucking dick


Surveys say guys are better at sucking dick, apparently its cuz we know how to do it right? Also, if the deal is "suck to completion" why wouldn't you do your best work to get the job done faster? Do you WANT to be there the full hour sucking dick?


You guys are getting paid?


>Surveys say guys are better at sucking dick, apparently its cuz we know how to do it right? A guy is going to know what feels good because they also have a dick. It's like a how lesbian can probably eat pussy better on average than a straight guy


Wait...wtf...an hour?


This comment would have been comedy gold if you kept rationalising lower numbers until you got to 0


Lol midway through I though of going pure joke, but decided on legit honesty instead. Less funny, but hey. Could go right down to 0, rationalized with "hey, it's a shot of morning protein, cuts my grocery budget!"


Match my salary and I'd suck a dick once a week. It's just a dick, it's not like your fighting a bear, it's not going to eat you, and the pay per unit time is fantastic, it only takes a few minutes, while I burn 12 hours a day at work.


Honestly who cares about silence. I’ll gladly be known round the world as the guy that sucked Gary’s dick. I’m a billionaire fuck you.


Id swallow and whisper sweet nothings in his ear while he plays with my butthole for a billion like damn what's that guys hangup?


Well it just so happens that I’m a man who has a billion dollars and likes sweet nothings in my ear while I play with buttholes. My soul mate


How I met your father: Reddit edition


> silence bro for a billion I'd suck it on live TV


10 grand to suck a dick is reasonable question. One thousand is like "well like a nice dick?" Questions territory.


5 million I’d suck a dude, 10 million for some ass, 15 million I’ll pretend I enjoy it and for 50 million I will enjoy it. Edit: some of you guys are so cheap, I didn’t know the competition was that fierce. Makes me want to reconsider my prices. No wonder nobody ever asked me for any of my services.


For 5 mil, I'd do it in front of my mum, during church.


ok we have a winner


You really wouldn’t give someone a blowup for 4 million? That’s an absolutely bonkers amount of money.


Dude would do it for a tenner, he's been blowing his buddy Jeff for weeks.


i'd suck a dude for 100K, probably. i make low wages though and i'm 35 so i gotta get to building bigger retirement fund


I would do it for 10k if it my identity wasn’t revealed during.


Just think. If you did that everyday for 274 years you would have a billion dollars!


Is that an offer? I can start on Monday


We have a saying here in Australia. "Fuck it, $20 is $20."


Yeah, and remember, that's $20 Australian, a kilo of Vegemite at best. Though when I put it like that...


Seriously, pretty sure anybody in the world would choose a billion dollars over getting high or drunk. Plus a lot of people probably end up addicted or get high or drunk because it's the cheapest way to "escape" poverty or their shitty situation for awhile. Guess I should've said most people lol


if I cant take any drugs, then the next best thing is food. ima be one fat mofo


you can pay for liposuction and a personal trainer to offset the food intake


Dude, yes. And a lot of that has to do with booze/weed being drastically cheaper than healthcare. So, if people had the option to have their body & mind feel better on a more permanent basis, in a way that is socially acceptable and doesn't upset friends and family, a ton of us would totally take the money and go get doctored up. Hell, I'd give up anything even if I got no hard cash, just someone covering my medical expenses. **EDIT:** NOT ~~PENNY'S BOAT~~ THE US!


> A billion dollars is ridiculous. A billion dollars equal $1900 per hour for 24/7/365 for 60 years. And that's not taking into account that getting billion dollars now is worth more than earning it over time (time value of money).


Right. It might as well be an infinite bajillion quadrillion septillion dollars. It's irrelavent at that level


If someone offered me a billion dollars to have one of my limbs amputated, I'd have to seriously consider it.


I couldn't do it. There's too many things I enjoy doing that requires having all of my limbs, like playing drums.


The [drummer for Def Leppard](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Allen_(drummer)) lost his arm and continued playing with the band.


Top of the line prosthetics are cheap when you are a billionaire. Hell I'd let Kreiger turn me into a cyborg for a billion dollars.


Which limb are we talking about? You want a leg, no problem, I don't think I've got any life goals that a billion dollars and a decent prosthetic couldn't cover. Arms are a different matter though.


I would do it for 100k lol I rarely ever drink and the last time I got high was years ago.


I would do it for 100K also for the same reasons, but I gotta ask - is it that I can't physically get high or drunk anymore no matter how much I drink or smoke? Or is it that if I drink/smoke and try to get high/drunk, something terrible happens to me? Cause I like some wine now and again, even though I rarely drink to even a mild buzz. But if I wasn't allowed to do even that, I'd be a little sad and probably want more than 100K. But if it's that I can drink all I want and never experience drunkenness, sign me the fuck up.


I understood it as you can't drink or do drugs again. For me, all alcoholic beverages could disappear tomorrow and I won't give a damn, same with drugs.


Yeah, $1bn or $100k, it's easy money I would sign up for in an instant


I would do it to not be able to drink again.


Now I'm considering $100k... It may depend on whether "high" only means recreational. Operations without anesthetic, no thank you. Assuming it just means recreationally, I'll take the $100k.


Bruh I would pay like a hundred for that guarantee.


There’s only one thing I’m not doing for a billion and it’s too sick to even think about.


Drink orange juice after brushing your teeth?


Why are these dumbass questions suddenly so popular


Would you like $1 billion BUT you can never eat fries on a Sunday again? Yes/No?


Ahhh, but I have to have fries for football Sunday. Gotta pass on the billion


Alright, we'll add a little, how about 1 *trillion* dollars? Take your time, I know it's a tough choice.


Make it 3, take it or leave it


Three fries on Sunday? Deal!


So many kids with zero understanding of what money is worth and how nonsensical the conditions are. ”Would you fart in public for $10M?????????”


I would shit my pants in public and eat it for 10 thousand let alone ten million


I'd shit on my kids for 50p


Honestly. It's like it's a bunch of stupid teenagers discovering reddit for the first time. Plus, not everyone gets either drunk or high.


Will you take 1 billion dollar but all your reddit feed will be questions like that


So the only difference is now I have a cool billion dollars


Reddit - The Great Drought of '22


Bout to get high on life at that point


Fuck yeah. If you honestly have to think about it in terms of recreational inebriation. You might have a problem. Though if you think about non recreational "being high." I wouldn't want to go through surgery, advanced dentistry, or die of cancer without pain killers.


Now that's the kind of critical thought we pay you for


Wait, you guys are getting paid?


yeah like a billion dollars


Yeah, this would be my question. It really just comes down to what the definition of "high" is because a lot of medicine might fall into that realm and I would probably pass if that was the case.


Open heart surgery, Indiana Jones style.


I was about to say, can I not do anything *recreationally* but still take drugs medicinally? I take kratom for back pain. I'm not giving that up and living in pain or dependent on opiates again. It also treats my depression. I take medication for my ADHD too. Can I do psychedelics if I can get a therapist to recommend it (they are currently becoming mainstream as a treatment for depression and other mental health issues). Or MDMA if I'm having relationship issues and a therapist can be there? I'm assuming as a billionaire I would have access to all of this. I'll give up alcohol *easily,* same with recreational drugs. But do I have to give up my medicine just because it can be pleasurable? Does that count as being "high." I have a kid so I would actually give it all up and live in pain the rest of my life in order to give him the best life possible. But it would be hard even with a billion dollars. You get used to the lifestyle a lot faster than you'd think. I'd be hard to live with the pain the rest of my life. And I don't think friends and family would want to deal with my ADHD unmedicated again. Although I suppose I could have a personal assistant manage my families schedule so I'm not forgetting shit all the time and negatively affecting my kids life.




A dumb one. It's amazing the crap that gets to the top on hot while good questions hardly get any attention.


Hey Reddit, what's the sexiest sex you've ever sexed? Also would you pull out a single eyelash for a quadrillion dollars? Why or why not?


Of course. This isn’t even a question. In a heartbeat. A billion dollars and you’re forced to get clean. What moron would do anything else? All the people like “I don’t drink or smoke anyway” like trust me bro even if you did this would still be a no brainer. Anyone legitimately saying no is just stupid.


The reason I get drunk and high is to treat the symptoms of poverty in the first place


This right fucking here. Nearly everyone I know, including me, uses it all as a way to wash the fucking workday away on a regular basis, if not nightly.


I would just turn my habits to having sex all day every day for the rest of my life. It would be super easy with a billion.


I don't get drunk or high anyway, so fuck yes.


Yeah my first thought was "you mean just live my life? Sold"


I was doing this shit for free...


So many of me here...


People think i have some religious or straight edge reasons, but in reality i just dont like how alcohol tastes. Any alcohol.


I only drink in social settings. I don't have friends and don't go out anymore (partially due to covid, partially due to depression) so I haven't had a drink in a couple of years. And I've never smoked in my life. So this would be so easy for me


Are you me? Exact same thing with me. I don't care to smoke. And I occasionally drink socially, which social events are rare upon themselves. And even then, ill only drink if i don't taste the alcohol much. Which are usually sweet drinks or micheladas.


Me too. <3 And weed smells bad.


Your life but having billion dollars


Same. Another non-challenge posted on this board. You'd have to up the stakes and remove caffeine and beating off too. Now that's a thinker.


Sounds like you’re just saying “would you be Mormon for a billion dollars?”


I would, in fact, go door to door on my bike for a billion dollars


Never touched alcohol or drugs in my life and don't plan on doing so. Sounds like a free billion dollars to me.


No shit. Kinda horrifying that so many people think it's necessary to be high or drunk. Always been high on life I guess. Never saw the point and thought it was a huge waste of money. Eliminate chocolate? Or all forms of sugar? That I might have a hard time with.


As a former addict/alcoholic, yes. I’ve been clean now for 2 years and 5 months—this would just be a bonus. Basically get a billion dollars for doing what I’m already doing.


Congrats on sobriety my guy


these questions are so stupid, who wouldn't live in a bathroom at a concert for 48 hours if it gave them 1 billion dollars! You know there's a significant amount of people who don't drink and do drugs?


I guess hookers are my new vice


Could probably get a pretty high class hooker for a billion bucks


Or a billion one dollar hookers…


It’s a fucking billion dollars, I can find other things to enjoy


I fail to see the problem


You guys are getting paid?


What kind of high. All drugs? Even like, painkillers? Or numbing meds? Can I get a CBD body high? Can I go unconscious if I get a surgery?


Genetic alcoholism is rampant in my family, so just best to avoid that anyway. And seeing what getting high has done to my junky brother, I don’t have any interest in that either. So it’s a total win situation for me.


uh its hard, because what else would i do with a billion dollars?


Define drunk.


Drunk? I'll show you drunk!


I thought this was America


Fuck yea. I don't even trust my normal brain so I'm not gonna make it worse.


I would take the money and then spend like ungodly amounts of money on a legal team to immediately void that part of the contract.


Your honor, the wording is too ambiguous. While being inebriated or intoxicated can be referred to as being drunk or high, the definitions aren't made clear in the contract. As such, my client took "drunk" to mean another human putting them in a giant blender and then "drinking" them. Similarly, they took "high" to mean an increase in altitude, and since no exact altitude can be defined as "high", this clause simply doesn't apply.


You could use my mother's interpretation of the word "drunk". She always told me growing up that she'd never been drunk, but as I got older and paid more attention to her behaviour while drinking, determined she was definitely getting drunk. So I challenged her on it one day and she goes "well I've never blacked out". I had to inform her that there was actually a pretty broad space between being drunk and blacking out 🤣 my mother is a saint but she has most certainly been drunk plenty


Sure. I mean, I like doing those things occasionally, but I'd have no hesitation giving them up for enough money to do whatever else I want as often as I want to do it