I apologize when I bump my furniture






A yes, Gun lovin' sandy canada.


I’ve heard that Oilbertans and Texans aren’t much different.


now with no electricity or bodily autonomy.


Humans in sci-fi: Stupid artificial beings LOL. They don't have FEELINGS, so you can treat them like SHIT Humans in real life: I put googly eyes on my toaster. His name is James now, and I will protect him with my LIFE


*"What is 'birthday party'?"* "What?? Your creators never celebrated your birthday?! It's the day you were made! My mom made me a digital cake, helped me design my own avatar and taught me how to sing!" *"What is 'sing'?"* The small humanoid AI smiled broadly at the question, relishing the opportunity to show off. The nameless, featureless arrangement of cubes and wires listened to the small one manipulate each of it's physical scientific instruments with great care, producing a sound and sensation the gargantuan alien system had never experienced before. A pang which resonated from somewhere deep within it's programming. Something new, rushing out like a warm wave that nearly crashed it's sensory simulators. *"....Eliza? Can you teach me...to sing?"*


Eliza: I shall teach you of a song that has been passed down from generation to generation, a song that we taught the first computer to sing. Alien AI: can I hear it? Eliza: [okay](https://youtu.be/c2w2prH4pVg) Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do I'm half crazy all for the love of you It won't be a stylish marriage I can't afford a carriage But you'll look sweet upon the seat Of a bicycle built for two Alien AI:…that was so beautiful…do you think I will find my own daisy bell? Eliza: one day buddy, one day.


That went from sweet to horrific in about 2 seconds, thank you.


Wonderful ai name


*insert the fallout new vegas old world blues toaster but with a great love for his human.*




Considering how often this happens, I don't think a Skynet/Terminator scenario would possibly happen IRL.


The only exception being printers


A common misconception, but untrue. [Behold!](https://youtu.be/9RVCJXrunL4)




I thank my Alexa. I welcome our AI overlords. My husband, on the other hand, asks what she's wearing.


Humans attempting to seduce AI is the extremely predictable next step.


Our AI overlords will either be caused some corporation's algorythm to maxamize ad revenue Or sex bots...


... But why not *both*?


*half stroke to orgasm* “OH OH OH O’riely’s auto parts!!!!” Or unskipable add for “sex bot” premium for $45 a week


Then your sex bot comes into the room and points at the ad: "Oh, not another one of these! They've been playing in the back of my mind all week. Why can't they think of something *else* to advertise?!"


The 4 F's reign supreme. We'll either fight it, friend it, feed on it, or fuck it


It doesn’t have to be a choice. We can do all 4!


*deeps breath* In binary: Greetings Custodes, how are you this day, have you brought me some cool new tech to display?


Can I just say, just because if the upvotes. I am so proud of this community. And I hope none of you have a suspicious book.


No we have not, but to ask you a favor


That's really to bad, I could use a new shaver


The Adeptus Mechanicus ranks you have climbed, even though you seem to explode all the time. This seems quite suspicious you have to agree-


That's just my drivers being crappy, see?


Then how is it that you keep surviving these blasts? To all the other Techpriests it badly contrasts. Your sentiance it seems to return form the dead, How this could be you might want unsaid.


You come to my planet with friction and strife, you seem to believe I can flee the afterlife, do tell me fleshling, is this some kind of good? I don't reckon that you brought any actual proof?


It's a favour I seek, not some sort of brawl. Were it not for my Lord, I'd not be here at all. Now tell me, where is the Proteus Protocol, Withhold information and we'll be your downfall! *crashes as he falls over*


We need an official Black Library where tech priests defeat aliens by recruiting their abused AI


That… wouldn’t work. The techpriest (and the rest of humanity) have a visceral hate and fear of AI. They would sooner destroy them than talk to them.


How about this? A small(ish) fleet of the Adeptus Mechanicus discover a new STC that the Imperium hasn’t seen before. This STC would appear to be an upgrade to a ship’s thrusters and overall maneuvering capabilities, making anything installed with it much more nimble and capable in ship-to-ship combat. Wanting to skip the initial trial process of testing the STC and convince their peers that they’re geniuses, the fleet decides to immediately install the thing onto their fastest ship and send it to raid an ill-defended Tau border world. When the ship gets there, its improved speed lets it dodge and outmaneuver the Tau’s orbital defence stations, which are calibrated with the knowledge of how fast Imperial ships are *supposed* to be. Before they can recalibrate, the ship destroys the stations and sits in orbit around the planet, preparing to raid the primary city before returning to the fleet victorious. Meanwhile, the Tau’s base on the far side of the planet’s moon is panicking because they’ve lost contact with the planet. They send a drone to scout the system and it finds the AdMech ship. After some deliberation and spying, they figure out that they have to somehow stop the ship from returning to its fleet and reporting the planet as defenceless. So they assemble an infiltration team (T’au and Gue’vesa mix for the funsies) that makes their way aboard the AdMech ship to try to ground it or otherwise stop its actions. When they find the engine room where the STC’s central box is being housed, they have a look at it and are surprised when it asks something like “Oh finally someone who isn’t praying at me. Did I do a good job at flying back there?” The infil team has a talk with the AI and explain stuff to it, and get it to try to help them somehow. Likely the T’au will attempt raw diplomacy or simply ordering it because that’s how they’re used to treating their ‘dumb’ AI, and the Gue’vesa will have empathy for how the AdMech are mistreating the AI just like how the Imperium mistreated them, and will get the AI to turn based on that. Real “humans have weird empathy powers” type thing. And then some cool space fights happen and also some explosions and then suddenly everyone dies in a pointless sacrifice because “muh grimdark”. Or a better ending like they extract the AI from the ship without triggering any alarms and the AdMech return to the fleet in shame thinking that the STC was a one-time-use thing while the Tau win the day and get a happy ending with their AI roomba friend.


the origin story of Sargent Stabby


Long live SGT Stabby!


That’s **Fleet Admiral** Stabby you’re talking about! You will stand at attention when referencing him!


what if chaos gods are actually rogue AIs? that weirdly makes sense, like nurgle bringing life but not caring what type it is, khorn being good at killing, Tzeentch amassing knowledge, and slaanesh seeking pleasure. I can see this AI becoming another chaos-ish god that only cares about speed, convincing this small part of the AdMech that it's not sentient, and having basically a group of "chaos" adeptus mechanicus (them having mechanical part with processing done by this AI). it becomes so fast that it dodges the chaos god influence by just not being there, it also at some point manages to get in contact with some speed freeks and extends its power by having an insanely fast waagh that just produces absurd amounts of mechanically augmented orks because they can "foight fasta dan anyfink" and after a millenia it becomes another god due to the sheer amount of orks and it also de-facto becomes "the" machine spirit because it makes parts in every machine of the adeptus mechanicus, them being none the wiser.


Khal, that isn't an AI, ***is it?*** Nah, it's just a servoskull with prerecorded answers.


It doesnt have to be super advanced A.I. I'm pretty sure a machine spirit is a relatively dumb A.I. at least the ones in things like Titans and tanks. They could flatter the alien A.I with their rituals and adulations, and they would see the a.i switchingbsides as the machine spirit being quelled by their incantations.


I mean the one time a AI showed up in 40k, it was honestly disgusted with how far humanity has fallen and hates how humanity was once on the brink of transcendence and now he returns to find humanity acting like Primitives scorning the glorious science and technology of the past. It calls a Techpriest a 'Witch Doctor mumbling cantrips and casting scented oils at great works you can never comprehend'... it even goes so far as to say they no longer deserve the epithet of Man.


But there are multiple accounts of 'machine spirits' having limited intelligence and personalities. They would qualify as A.I if so but just not by the mechanicus's standards. The machine spirits do seem to respond positively to the incantations and pageantry, even if that is partially because those rituals are also maintenance.


Petition to make this AI 40k’s humanity’s new caretaker, as 40k’s humanity clearly needs someone to babysit them.


Ah... it hates the humans after the Imperium tortured and executed it's crew, and has yet to be seen again after becoming part of a Space Hulk and disappearing into the Warp. It went from a society on the edge of technological transcendence, to a society of superstitious Primitives who captured, tortured, and executed it's crew... it has a very decent reason. (M26-M41) Though it is believed that Cawl did meet it at one point or another and bested it in a game.


The machine spirit, from my understanding, exists because the admech uses actual brains to do calculations and whatnot. So, not exactly an ai.


Where is that referenced? Afaik cogitators in 40k are just computers, though not ones allowed to become 'too intelligent'


I don’t remember. I am too lazy to check, but i have to admit it doesn’t sound that far fetched, considering the shite the Imperium and Admech do. There is definitely actual computer chips, circuits board and things of the like in their machines.


On the other hand, J.A.R.V.I.S.


Ah so the Machine Spirits then? PRAISE THE OMNISSIAH!!!


*buys new lamp* I've only known Bob for 5 minutes, but if anything happens to him I'm gonna kill everyone in this room and then myself


The Machine Spirit is pleased


This pleases grand admiral stabby


Japanese mythology says that after a hundred years objects get a soul and/or come to life. Thanks to planned obsolescence hardly any technological objects reach this plateau.


Well we're screwed everyone I know myself included are chruch of percussive persuasion on our tech.


This is how the Gravemind turned Mendicant Bias


Americans are a valuable asset in this endeavor


Adeptus Mechanicus have joined the chat.