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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So I went out with this guy on a date that I thought it was going good, when he told me he needed to go to the bathroom I wait for him 10 minutes, ordered and Uber and check Hinge and he deleted the match!!! I texted him that that was rude and he could just told me that he needed to do something else, why guys do this???? I feel so bad now that it was my fault 🤦🏻‍♀️ CONTEXT The date gas going good, we went to a couple of bars for drinks, at the last bar we were drinking and he (33 M) started asking if I (25 F) was a good kisser, I told him idk, he said let’s find out and I said I don’t move that fast, maybe later, because I was feeling nervous, after that we started talking about bad dates (now he has the 1 worst date ever), then he asked me to go to the bar, we moved and then he said I’m going to the bathroom, after 10 minutes I ordered myself an Uber and text him how rude that was and he could just told me he needed to do something else.


Grouchy-Ad6144

Try to think of it as dodging a bullet. Obviously he was looking for a hook up. Sorry he acted that way. You didn’t put ages, but especially younger guys are that way. Sorry he was too rude to tell you he was leaving.


d3arda3mon

This, OP. He wanted sex, not you.


SurgicalGinger

THIS. Once he’s realized he wasn’t going to get it, he bailed.


-xxEL1SH4xx

Seems more like he was preying on someone younger (with assumedly less experience) for sex ngl, the age gap isnt the worst ive seen but in this context the 8 years implies hes a- married or b- nobody wants him so hes trying younger women


Grouchy-Ad6144

Oh she did put ages, I’m so sorry.. space cadet here. Lol sorry.


-xxEL1SH4xx

Lmao dw about it, it might be an edit but i didnt click on the ages at first


Cold-Corgi6775

That’s stupid thought process. Just because he’s 33 and single doesn’t mean he’s married or no body wants him. It’s young still. Yea this dude sounds like a tool but damn you sound like an asshole.


-xxEL1SH4xx

Of course, but why else would somebody who’s pretty much mid 30s go on a date someone mid 20s just to fuck? (Edit: and ditch) Edit to clarify : by “nobody wants him” i mean he’s probably manipulative or narcissistic etc, and people with that 8 years experience are more likely to spot that


Cold-Corgi6775

Could be many reasons. Why does a man in his 30s need to be looking for commitment. Could be busy and just enjoying casual relationships for now. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with age gap or him. Him leaving like that is what’s wrong, not his age.


-xxEL1SH4xx

Im not saying there’s something wrong with his age. Im pointing out that the age gap has a large difference in experience, and that it seems quite dodgy that he’d go for someone younger then leave when he finds he cant have sex


The_Infamousduck

Not really. My wife's older than me and I have more experience, while at the same time I knew lots of girls younger than me that were way way more experienced. Seems like you're just not fond of men dating down, but the ages really tell us nothing about who he or she is. The ditching out tells us much more.


Negative-Ambition110

It is dodgy. I’m 33 and a 25 y/o sounds like a child. Might not be the case for everyone but I was such a different person 8 years ago.


icantbeatyourbike

Grow up man, 33 to 25 is fine and far from a child you pearl clutching ninny.


-xxEL1SH4xx

Yeah exactly. Dont get me wrong, an 8 year age gap between someone thats 33 and 41 is a lot different. But emotionally, hormonally and physically the 20-30 ages are a big learning gap for everyone


[deleted]

Why is it dodgy to go on a date with someone who’s younger? This guy is a jerk for doing that, clearly he has communication issues but… At some point you should, in fact most people should have a more open mind with age gaps. Some older guys want something serious with a younger woman who can have kids, haven’t been saturated or completely traumatized by jerks like this dude was. Get what I’m saying?


-xxEL1SH4xx

Right, a few things because apparently nobody gets what im saying. A- firstly, define what you mean by Saturated B- I’m not saying age gaps are bad. Im saying this specific age gap, in this specific situation, with his actions, seems quite dodgy that hes gone for a younger woman, ran when he realised he couldn’t just fuck her, and it comes across as him either being married already or trying to manipulate someone younger with less experience to just have sex with them. I’m saying all this, considering the situation and the fact he chose not to make his wants known beforehand. C- I’m not entirely sure what you mean by having children either. Someone can have children in their 30s. D- If you mean age gaps like a 40+ year old guy with a lass thats 18-25, no im not going to be open minded to that with the context of wanting someone to have kids with. It’s predatory to go for a young adult to treat them as a baby express, because then is the relationship about love or about having kids? E- I understand the trauma thing. It’s not somebody else’s responsibility to deal with someone who’s been traumatized like this, but some people care enough to help, and other times people manage to help themselves. Edit: I love how im being downvoted for this but upvoted for saying that its situational when that’s literally what im saying here lmfao


Ausgezeichnet63

Giving you an upvote because your explanation here makes good sense.


[deleted]

After reading what you wrote, the most important thing I can gather is, we are victim to our traumas and experiences, and it definitely molds how we view and judge our world. The best thing we can do is work on ourselves, and not be shitty people, or be shitty towards others.


-xxEL1SH4xx

Of course. But by all means, im not saying age gaps are bad. I just went to a wedding of two with a 15yr age gap, and they’re a lovely couple. Everyone’s intentions are different, just this specific scenario doesnt sit right with me


InfoRedacted1

Funny how you didn’t say what you meant by saturated


-xxEL1SH4xx

Thats my point. Clearly not just “looking for something casual” if he ups and leaves when he realises he cant have sex, and how he couldn’t make his views clear before the date. Just seems dodgy, seems like he was stringing her along as a backup or thought he could manipulate her


thedeadlysquirle

For some people "something casual" means hooking up, so leaving when he realizes he can't have sex doesn't contradict that so much as support that. The worst thing here is the behavior, ditching and going to multiple bars before making moves. Seems a bit predatory but jumping to "he's married" because of his age is a major stretch.


-xxEL1SH4xx

Yeah, its young, but my parents had me at 21 and 22 lol, its not THAT young. Yes, at 33 you’re still young. But I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if it was a married man looking to cheat, just like I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a married woman at that age, ditching someone at a bar is a- dangerous and b-selfish, and if you go on a date and ditch because they wont fuck, people are gonna assume things


Gothicmochi

My husband is 14 years older than me. We were both single and he never really dated people younger than him before besides maybe a couple of years difference. I on the other hand have ALWAYS dated older. He was thinking I wanted to use him as a 1 night stand and vice versa so when I told him at the bar I don’t f on the first date he was actually happy about it. We are married now and get told by multiple people how well we compliment each other and flow. I act a whole lot older than what I am and have been told that all my life so I’ve always flowed more with people older. So please don’t label all age gaps a certain way, not all of them are bad.


-xxEL1SH4xx

If you read my other comments, I say this there. I’m not saying age gaps are bad. Im saying in this specific situation the age gap implicates a lot to it too. I just went to the wedding of a couple with a 15 year age gap, and they’re an amazing couple, they’re perfect for each other. By all means, age gaps aren’t necessarily good or bad, but the people’s intentions are what define them


reaction-jackson

Anyone not married over the age of 30 is only not married because nobody wants them? How in the world does your ignorant comment have so many upvotes?!


-xxEL1SH4xx

Because they read the rest of my comments saying that I’m talking about THIS situation specifically lmfao. Not saying if you’re over 30 and single it means nobody wants you at all. Never said that. I said that his actions and the age gap are leading me and others to believe this. If you think im ignorant, maybe consider reading the rest of my messages…


Ringo_1956

At least finish the date and then send a text letting them know you are not interested. Send the text that night or at least the next morning so they don't reach out and feel like a dope


DeannaOfTroi

Lol, I think in this case his only follow up would've been a dick pic. You know, just in case.


Gaydame

"are you a good kisser.... Let's find out" is the oldest douchiest PUA pickup line out there. Good riddance!


PainterlyGirl

One time a guy said “on a scale of 1-10 how do you rate your kissing?” And then tried to make me prove it. Lmao. No. I think I even said “does that ever work on anyone?” This was years ago but still makes me chuckle that someone thinks that is a good line.


ashestes

For real and at his big age, you dodged a bullet


LadyDiscoPants

>"are you a good kisser.... Let's find out" is the oldest douchiest PUA pickup line out there. > >Good riddance! The only real response to this is to lean in, take a kiss, and then say: Oh, I guess I found out YOU'RE not a good kisser though.


Fighting-Cerberus

Except then you have to kiss a creep.


LadyDiscoPants

\*sigh\* It wouldn't be the first time...


Shlaasss

I think he was expecting sex that night and when you said no to kissing straight away he realised you weren't going to put out. Fuck him


NoHandBananaNo

Yeah it has to be this. Too cowardly to be up front about his expectations and too immature to leave politely.


LittleRavenRobot

No no, don't fuck him, like OP.


EnriquesBabe

The best comment!


luckydidi18

Ding ding we have a winner


Shlaasss

*bows*


kurokitsune17

Definitely, that was the case. He didn't think she would put out and decided to bail. I dont fault him for leaving the date, just how he did it and wasn't honest for it. I have left a date before, because she was constantly checking her phone. I told her, I don't think this will work. Paid for the drinks and bid her ado. If you are going to walk out in the middle of a date, tell her so. He was just upset he wasn't going to have sex that night, (most likely) and dipped


sandymason

Leaving the date once you find out a person won’t have sex with you as you assumed, would still be rude as hell, no matter how it’s done. Your situation is completely different from OP’s in my opinion.


RageAgainstYoda

It still makes him an AH - or could, depending on the understanding if one existed...... some dates are intended to be "see if we vibe and then back to my place, no strings attached"...... but even if that wasn't the understanding he still had the right to end the date. But don't just walk out on someone. Just say "I don't think we're on the same page, no sense wasting any more of each other's time. Have a good night."


kurokitsune17

I 100% agree that the guy is a grade A A-Hole. He shouldn't have just flaked. I'm mainly saying that leaving a date in the middle can be okay. What he did and for the reasons we think he did. No excuse. That is scummy behavior


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Babybutt123

You should finish a date to be polite *if* it's going well otherwise and you've realized you don't want to go on a second one. It's okay to leave if they're rude, mean, dangerous, or similar negative behavior because no one should reward unpleasantness with politeness.


[deleted]

That sounds like backwards nice guy logic.


No-Performer-1125

That’s the one!


StonerHippieTM

Sounds like you win, actually. It must have sucked in the moment, but you aren’t the problem. Sometimes, things that seem bad at the time, are really something good. Sounds like you’re better off without him, if he can’t even be honest on the first date. There’s someone else out there who deserves you!


lilkimber512

The guy wasn't looking for a date, he was looking for a hookup. When he found out that it wasn't going to happen, he moved on to a new one. You didn't do anything wrong. He was just an ass.


VirgoLuv87

Why would him being a dick be your fault? Be glad that things didn't work out.


ValkyrieSword

So, he must have realized that you weren’t going to have sex with him. And if he wasn’t getting sex you were not worth his time because he viewed you as just a sex object, not a person worthy of respect. What a jerk


Nixolus1

Married guys don't have time to take things slow.


Winkboss

Underrated.


mazimai

Sounds like he was looking for a hook up only


Tsugirai

I know that right now you think this is your fault, but it is 100% NOT. He was going to ghost you no matter what, only question was before or after having sex.


scarlettjellyfish

Sounds like he did you a favor if he can't even tell a stranger he isn't into them. This person has no conflict resolution skills. No doubt a relationship with them wouldn't have gone well.


Swamptor

EDIT: I'm wrong and the guys a dick. When I originally posted there was no context. Now there is. Original comment: Just saying, maybe he didn't feel safe doing that. If the genders were reversed here everyone would be yelling at OP. But just because it's a guy who is afraid of what a woman might do after getting rejected he's being a wimp.


Complex_Walrus_4116

Lmao because statistically women don’t kill men for saying no


Swamptor

EDIT: I'm wrong and the guys a dick. When I originally posted there was no context. Now there is. Original comment: It's not as common, but there are absolutely men who have been killed or attacked or raped for saying no. And they usually aren't reported because: 1) Nobody believes men when they say they were raped. Because they won't believe that a man was overpowered by a woman. 2) People will say that the man enjoyed it or initiated it, because all men always want sex all the time 3) People will say that it never happens, therefore it didn't happen. Men can be victims too. Just because it's less common doesn't mean it can't happen.


lant-rns

lol those are extremely rare circumstances which is why the guy is a dick. he virtually had nothing to fear. you look dumb even trying to pretend men risk their lives when rejecting a date as much as women. the chances of him being assaulted, raped or murdered by his date are SO incredibly low, so not exactly a valid excuse to ghost he also wanted to sleep with OP and clearly left because she didn’t want to put out. and you’re trying to victimise him? lmaoooo


nachthexen_

He could do what a lot of women do and safely do it over text after the date is over. Unless his safety was at risk, there’s not a reason to walk out on your date without a word. Why would everyone be yelling at OP if the genders were swapped? She went home and texted him he was being rude as fuck. Because he was. I would expect anyone to do the same?


RichieJ86

Not saying it's right, but I agree that if the roles were reversed, the focus would be primarily on consoling OP and not demonizing that person that ditched, where as here they're calling him all sorts of names for doing so. Again, not saying it's right. But I don't believe the same would be happening if the genders swapped. However, I'm sorry to hear about OP's situation, and whether guy OR gal, they didn't deserve that.


MuddaFrmAnnudaBrudda

He's a dick, no need to try and think about why he's a Dick. You don't want or need that energy.


eyecicey

Did he stick you with the bill , that's what would upset me , the running part just means you dodged a bullet Whatever you did keep doing it , sort the wheat from the Chad


SuperSpartan300

his question "are you a good kisser" right away and "let's find out", means he just wants to fuck and when you said you're not comfortable, he had no interest. Good thing he left, you don't need a prick like that. You should be happy that you didn't burn more calories on that jerk.


throwawayanylogic

Obviously he thought he was going to "do" you on the first date and when he realized that wasn't happening he was a jerk and ghosted out on the date. Good riddance and be glad you didn't waste more time with him but one night.


Shoddy_Budget_1533

The garbage took itself out, you are lucky


nikaido_18

Lmao, best comment I read so far!!


MDkoA

I left a girl at the restaurant once… she drove herself though. I feel like it was a setup for free drinks and food. Halfway through the date her friends “magically” showed up to our restaurant and kept trying to pulling her away to dance at a bar across the street. I told her I had to use the restroom and I bounced. I saw her walk to the bar. A few hrs later she sent me a text saying, “OMG, you left me!?”. I didn’t feel bad at all and never texted her back.


Jap_zilian

Good for you my guy. It sucks being used but that's when you put your foot down.


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nomoreparrot

Its called sharing experiences


Holiman

He wanted a hook up. Him leaving was the best for you. Sorry some guys are pigs.


Ok_Sort7430

I guess he just wasn't into you. Not your fault and shows his true character.


No-Performer-1125

More like he was hoping for sex on the first date… and when that didn’t happen, he bounced. Probably called the next girl up on his matches.


SallysRocks

Why would you feel bad? He sounds like a jerk.


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SineSinc

Not an honest guy. All he had to do was tell you he was leaving and be honest about this not working for him. Geez, what is up with these losers?


Coco_Dirichlet

There should be a place to leave reviews about this guy lol Did he pay for his drink? Or did he leave you with his tab?


eddieguy

Oh word will get out, but i think there is


calm_harsh

I am sorry I don't understand people like that


LondontoGatwick

It's nice when people show their true colours early on, saves so much time and wasted energy.


Personal_Regular_569

Honey, he wanted a hookup. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Keep your chin up.


piscesempath

You dodged a bullet. He sounds like a real jerk.


Witty-Vixen

Wow if the guy is behaving like this at 33 … he is in for a lot of shit in his life. Now maybe he had bad diarrhea you know!


BiscottiOpposite9282

That wasn't a date. That was some random guy trying to find someone easy to hook up with. You weren't having it so he left. You dodged a bullet so don't worry.


420basscat

As others have said he’s definitely looking for a hookup.. some advice to avoid people like this on dating apps- in you bio be direct and state “I am not looking for hookups and am looking to actually get to know someone”… it may feel awkward to write but it is absolutely the best way to weed these types of men out before going on a date or talking long enough to catch any type of feeling


Jap_zilian

It happens. Women do the same thing if they are uncomfortable or not feeling it and no one complains. He just wasn't feeling it that's it. Take it and move on.


AggravatingDriver559

Sounds like it was better not to continue dating him anyway. Btw not all guys do this, he was just being immature (and rude)


MonikerSchmoniker

He doesn’t want a relationship.


throwawayfam1122

It sucks this happened to you, but it isn’t just guys that do this. Consider it as a dodged bullet of what might have happened later


redvelvetcakebatter

Yeah to me this seems you guys are looking for totally different things. He wants sex and you want dates. Be prepared for being ghosted like this more often, as lots of people on dating apps are looking for a quickie. It sucks but that’s how it is, it’s not your fault OP. Hopefully you will find someone worth your time.


American-pickle

He was looking to hook up. You’re lucky he left.


Herbrugglesbezos

Don't blame yourself. Brush it off. He's a piece of shit who just wanted a fuck and ditched out when he realized that wasn't going to happen. consider yourself lucky you found out what a garbage person and complete user he is before you slept with him. Forget about him.


maggersrose

He was looking for a hookup, when you didn’t want to kiss it was clear he wasn’t getting laid, moved you to a public place and ghosted you. Hard but don’t let it bother you, he’s a douchecanoe.


Saqquara

You dodged a bullet here, be thankful he left like that, he was just wanting a hook up and I think he realised that you were wanting something more sincere and he obviously wasn’t, you’ve done nothing wrong at all.


bagsvdnsjeh

Man do have audacity, a lot of audacity haha. Im so sorry, this sucks. If it can help, ur not the first and the last that this happens to. I also got stood up once. Got all ready and cute, waited for like a good 30min at our waiting spot to see he unmatched me and he also blocked me ( i thought his battery had died but he actually block me).


Underworld_Denizen

Don't feel bad, you didn't do anything wrong. That guy was just a douchebag. And he had a lot of fucking nerve leaving you there if he was your ride. What an asshole. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.


Hellohelloitsme303

I witnessed this happen back in February. The girl left to go to the bathroom (I was sitting at the bar on a first hinge date and the couple was next to me). She and the guy had eaten and packaged the food. When she came back she was left with both food boxes. She waited for a few minutes thinking he went to the bathroom too, but the bartender told her he left. J saw her send a text, make some noises and leave. I felt so bad. What a fucking dick. I’m sure he wanted to just sleep with you and when he found out it wasn’t an option, he bailed for someone else.


Shadvw

Oof


saturdayshark

Idk man people only do this when they fell unsafe…


Kaiisim

Well obviously he wanted to fuck but you didn't, so he bailed. However you acted this man was going to hurt you in some way, as he wanted something different to you. Keep telling them boys you dont go that fast. Let them self filter themselves out.


Sad-Coyote9082

Pretty rude but guess he wasn’t that interest in you


Shawoddywoddy69

How the turn tables


BlackberryNo3478

What an ass. He wanted a hook up and you weren't up for being used and he left. You did nothing wrong. He showed you what he is. I'm sorry he was a jerk, but you did nothing wrong.


[deleted]

So he owe her a date even she does not want to have sex that sounds like backwards nice guy logic.


lant-rns

he owed her a date because he agreed to a date. are you slow


[deleted]

Yes he took her on a date and he found out she doesn't have sex with him he left her as simple as that


BlackberryNo3478

Right. Because he lacks character. He had every right to ditch her. And decent people have every right to think that he's trash.


Contrell56

He agreed to take her out. People aren't owed sex for a date.


[deleted]

You're right that's why after he left her when she told him that she didn't want sex simple as that


BlackberryNo3478

Don't ask people out if you only want sex. Ask for sex. Believe it or not, not everyone has sex with people they met 45 minutes prior. I know it's difficult to process, but it's true. Some people want something deeper and more meaningful than casual sex.


[deleted]

Yes they want different things he decided to move on to find to someone else.


[deleted]

What if the last girl he politely rejected went nuts on him and made a scene..


lh1647

He still could have sent her a message though.


UndeadBatRat

He's clearly just in it for a hookup. It's laughable that people are trying to act like he had a justifiable reason (well, it's mostly dudes justifying it bc they refuse to see the obvious)


[deleted]

I mean that sexist but okay


moonhalos

We live in a sexist world, friend.


Fickle_Breadfruit

>why guys do this???? why men and women do this???? FTFY


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[deleted]

So when a woman does it they're being a mooch but when a guy does these being a dick.


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[deleted]

I mean what's the difference after food or after for sex


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Tame_Iguana1

Yeah the “why do guys do this”? This was literally learnt by girls. It is an awful thing to happens to anybody and it totally rude. But media and women joke about doing this to guys all the time.


UndeadBatRat

Women fish for sex and leave when they don't get it? Yeah I've never seen that happen.


Borderline-ethereal

Women fish for (attention) and leave when they don't get it? Yeah I've (never) seen that happen. Ftfy.


Tame_Iguana1

One she added the context part to her post. Second this trick leaving going to the toilet and not coming back women have done and continue to do. So her generalising why do guys do that? Maybe she should ask other women why they do it as they do it at an much higher rate then guys. Also I’m not excusing his behaviour but without his view we don’t know if he’s just trash or uncomfortable with the date


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Average-Joe78

OP I know how you feel because a girl did this to me after half hour of conversation in a bar and God how I wanted to have some kind of revenge, I even thought to do a fake profile to do her the same but after cooling down I realized that she wasn't even worthy to think about her. Maybe there was no chemistry but is not your fault, is not like you purposely sabotaged the date or something, in reality he was so coward that he couldn't even face you and say: this is not working I think we should leave here, thanks for coming and sorry for the inconvenience. When you date someone there is a possibility that things does work as you want it, is a risk of have a date. But in the end you dodge a bullet, a person who does something like this is not worthy of your time, please remeber it.


Swamptor

EDIT: given context, the dude is an asshole and I stand corrected. My original comment: Maybe he's a coward. Or maybe he didn't feel safe in the situation and wanted to get out. If a woman is allowed to "go to the bathroom" and disappear to get out of a bad situation, why does a guy have to face that same potentially dangerous situation head on? Was it polite? No. But he's allowed to nope out of that. And nobody just does that unless they are having trouble finding a way out of the situation. He didn't hurt you. He didn't do anything to you. He just left. Maybe this is just how he ends dates. In that case, he's a asshole. But it seems far more likely to me that he, for some reason, felt he needed to sneak out. Which says far more about OP than it says about the guy. Edit: downvote me if you want, but men don't have to be brave all the time. We are allowed to leave because we don't feel safe and there is no dishonour in that.


Happy_Ad5724

It's trash behavior regardless of gender. If it was a safety issue then sure but the post didn't indicate that.


[deleted]

Obviously we only know one side of the story. I'm a woman, I once met a guy on a first date in a bar. He arrived already drunk and started touching me without my consent. I said I was going to the toilet, spoke to staff on my way there, gave them money for my drink and left the bar to go home. I don't consider myself a bad human being for doing that.


Happy_Ad5724

Like I said, unless it is spoken of and confirmed to be a safety issue it is asshole behavior. You gave your anecdotal so I will give mine. My former best friend would do this to girls if he thought they were ugly or if he wanted to skip out on the bill. Happens a lot more than you think.


Tame_Iguana1

Unsure how the guy felt about the safety as nowhere to find out his perspective


Happy_Ad5724

So we can't infer either way then.


Tame_Iguana1

We can’t. The same is the issue when women do this all the time, but do not get slated for it. The guy could equally feel uncomfortable and at risk or he could be a dick. However her to say “ why do guys do this” when this is something girls do all the time is a bit ironic


UndeadBatRat

It's only ironic if you ignore the fact that women are much more likely to be harassed or assaulted, and even men who are are usually assaulted by other men. Women don't get a pass for no reason. It's because we've all had to deal with creeps on dates.


[deleted]

How many men accused of rape all because he rejected a girl or because he slept with her and she regrets it. Your logic is so sexist


Tame_Iguana1

Again you have no idea how he may have perceived the date, as there are two sides to a date. In addition to this, women have done this for far less dangerous reasons including just not feeling the date or being weirded out which again you can justify the may have felt. And yes it’s ironic. Your proving your bias, she generalising men for a behaviour which women do all the time and then you make excuses for this behaviour but you won’t afford the guy who did this as he may have found her “creepy” or is it men can’t find their date uncomfortable? Do you expect us to suck it up and deal with it when women don’t do the same thing ? Again he could just be a nasty piece of work or he could’ve been weirded out? But we don’t know and we can’t jump to conclusions shitting on him when we wouldn’t do it if the genders was reversed would we ?


childofcraigslist

There's literally nothing in the post to indicate that this was a safety issue. Please take your weird bitterness about women somewhere else.


don_pingwin

Why would it be? It's not his post, you don't know his part of the story.


lant-rns

why did he try to kiss op then? 🤔


Swamptor

Edit: context provided, sounds like the guy was being and asshole. I stand corrected. Original comment: There is one thing that indicates it was a safety issue: he left without telling her. That's not something someone does under normal circumstances. Even if he didn't fear for his safety, maybe she was making him uncomfortable, pushing sexual boundaries, or one of a hundred other things. Swap the genders. Say a woman goes to the bathroom and then disappears. Why would she do that? Probably because she isn't comfortable and wants out of the situation. A guy does the same thing and everyone's calling him a coward and saying OP couldn't possibly have done anything wrong. PS: I'm not bitter about women, but I am bitter about the way men always have to be courageous and brave. It's bullshit. PPS: this post says nothing about what happened. Maybe this is just how the guy ends dates. In that case he's an asshole. But for all we know OP could have attacked him with a broken bottle. We have literally no idea what went down.


Apart_Jellyfish_8593

Dude I feel you. If a guy made this post, people would assume the guy did or said something to make the girl uncomfortable


lant-rns

what the fuck are you even talking about? the guy himself tried to kiss OP and you’re assuming she tried to push boundaries even though she said she wanted to take things slow?


moonhalos

What’s statistically more likely? What you’re ignoring is context. Statistically speaking men are vastly more often the perpetrators of violent crime and SA. That means women are more likely to feel unsafe around men than the other way around.


castaway47

I think it's a jerk move by women or men. Worst case, you could separate and then text or message them. Having said that, the apparent context here was that the guy was looking to hook up and bounced as soon as he realized it wasn't happening. I don't think most guys are afraid of what might happen to them if they reject a date while many women are (even if it's anxiety in some cases). My only other thought is if OP could have avoided this by putting something in her profile or discussions leading up to the date to make it clear she wasn't interested in a hookup. She might have done that and still had this happen of course.


BlindFollowBah

I agree, shouldn’t matter on gender. And he doesn’t necessarily need to confront someone and say he’s not interested and wants to leave, he doesn’t owe her anything. Though, with all the editing and filtering of pics nowadays, I assume that OP didn’t look like her pics. It’s either your reasoning or mine.


Severe-Consequence32

Women do this ALL THE TIME. It’s spineless and cowardly but I find it kind of amusing that the opposite sex got a taste of their own medicine and doesn’t like it.


[deleted]

The sub is very sexist. Actually reddit a sexist in general


Contrell56

**People** do this all the time


BisquickNinja

Consider yourself lucky for dodging that train wreck. What he did says more about him and how terrible of a person he would be in a relationship than it does say about whatever he imagined you did to him. The last few dates I went on, she turned out to be just sneating. She arrived before our meet, ordered food and told the waiter that it was one check. I arrive I order and she's halfway finished. She politely leaves and I get stuck with a somewhat expensive bill. Before I can even send feedback she has already blocked me and moved on to the next victim. People are terrible.


[deleted]

Am I the only one thinking he was taking a dump?


oxtraerdinary

We don't know, you gave us 0 information.


Borderline-ethereal

Sorry, it seems like your personality wasn’t enough to keep him around.


Contrell56

Dude wanted a hookup. It wasn't about her personality, it was about realizing he wasn't getting laid.


Borderline-ethereal

Rationalize it Whatever way to help you sleep better at night.


Contrell56

Lol it's not that serious dude. This wasn't about anyone's personality. It was about sex.


Maqata

Damn, the gender vindictiveness here is real! Yeah he was rude but OP hasn't given any information. I guarantee if the genders were reversed people would rip into OP asking what he did to scare her off.


UndeadBatRat

It was definitely enough info. She didn't put out and he ghosted her. What more info do you need??


Maqata

She hadn't mentioned any of that previously. She edited the whole "context" section in after.


Mortemxiv

It was just 10minutes though. He could've had a problem, had to wait on a stall or ran into someone on the way there or back.


Sarans17

I was thinking that too, but why delete the match then ?


Mortemxiv

Oh I missed the "he deleted" and thought it read as "ordered and Uber and check Hinge and deleted the match!!!". My B


AstronautDiligent544

Most likely he has forgotten to tell you that he was looking for someone easy enough to take to bed in the same night. You must have not responded the description of his desire. Be happy that you managed to read of an idiot in 5 minutes.One day you will share your technique with us . Good luck!


matteroverdrive

Absolutely NOT your fault!!! The utter shallowness of him to just disappear like that. Even if he felt that he was not feeling a connection, on whatever levels he "expected" is not a reason for dismissal or disregarding basic human decency! Edit: Wow downvotes for asking, rather expecting to be treated with respect, and for whom she was out with (or anyone) to be treated with civility and be courteous (that goes both ways)


CapitalG888

He did what he did bc he's a coward. It's not easy to end a date midway. I doubt this was your "fault". He likely left bc you denied him the kiss. He was likely looking for sex and when you said to wait for a kiss he assumed you wouldn't be fucking him.


[deleted]

That sexist but okay.


CapitalG888

Sexist? Can you explain how what he did was "sexist'?


[deleted]

Your commen sexist.


CapitalG888

Again... how is it "sexist"?


[deleted]

So when a guy ghosted a girl he's being a coward when a woman ghosted to the guy she's just being safe.


CapitalG888

You got all that from my post? The post was about her date. Which happened to be a guy. If OP was a guy and a girl did that then that girl would be a coward. Are you projecting male insecurities? (I'm a man BTW).


[deleted]

No I'm projecting my feelings of how sexist the this subs but ok.


CapitalG888

I don't think you know what the word sexist means if you think my post was sexist. Did you pull that stunt on a date and feel attacked by my statement?


pogthegog

So you got the reversed treatment, nice ! Usually its females who go to toilet and never come back. Take 2 things from this: whoever was at fault, it doesnt matter, just move on, there was nothing between you two. Second, now you know how it feels to be ghosted, so be considerate, and moving forward, always clearly break up - send a message, call, or tell in person. Personally, i know its never my fault if the other person ghosts me, but it still feels shitty, and wastes time.


kingstonn11

This sounds as though you are putting the blame on OP for the behaviour of other ‘females’ who have nothing to do with her.


smooth_relation_744

This is actually a huge win. You’ve escaped someone who sounds like an absolutely awful person.


menickc

Used to be a morning radio show I'd listen to called "Ghosted" and this sound like an episode. It features a person who got left on a date or ignored after a date and they swear the date always went great but when the radio host get a hold of the person that ditched they find out that the person who got ghosted is usually crazy or weird or insanely disgusting. The only episode I remember where the person doing the leaving was the freak was an episode where some guy slept with this lady and did all this crazy stuff recorded it and took pictures and when they called and talked to him to find out why he ditched this lady he told them that she is the mother of his childhood bully and he was sending all the videos to the bully. That dude was terrible.


ConsistentPositive42

Well, he is a pussy who cannot admit into your face that you are not the kind of women he searches for. Search for a real man with some balls grown. You dont need little boys.


hahahahahaha

It wasn't your fault. It was childish and cowardly to do what he did. Consider yourself lucky that you found this out about him now instead of later.


emma7734

So no second date?


nikaido_18

Don't feel bad OP. He clearly wants kiss then seggs after. Hook up only. Some guys in tinder, hinger, etccc...use these apps for free seggs. Good job in maintaining the bounderies and saying no! U dodge a missile!


Michael_Tiberius

This guys a psycho you probably dodged a bullet. Definitely not your fault. Sorry this happened to you op.


gardeninmymind

His girlfriend or wife probably showed up and he had to go fast


MeetKierra

Think of it as a blessing in disguise. 🤗 Feeling like its your fault is completely normal. We’re all human beings and have feelings. ❤️ Just know that it wasn’t your fault at all. He sound like a jerk that was looking for an easy target.


fermat1432

He's an asshat and you did nothing wrong. Women need to stop blaming themselves when idiots like this misbehave!


LittleCybil666

Soooo not your fault! I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’d be pissed off too if that happened to me. Men are JERKS!!! They think this is perfectly acceptable behavior.. sad to say


chinesedeveloper69

What a fucking loser! (not you).